Why women use Us for Money

Out of every 10 women you date, 10 will most probably use you for money. Most of us hold this bitterness towards all women, branding them as gold-diggers. A good number of us feel like all women are users of men.

It hurts when you spend your hard earned money on a lady, take her out on fancy dates, buy her expensive gifts, airtime, data, OTT, pay for her hair and in the end, you get nothing in return. You spend millions only for the woman of your life to run off with someone else.

My experience is a painful one: I liked this girl too much that I was blind to what was truly happening. In hindsight, I should have walked away from the relationship sooner because I failed to connect with her emotionally from the very beginning. I thought that using money would compensate for my lack of game. I was wrong.

The reason that women use us for money is simply because we let them. A lot of us find ourselves victims because we don’t understand how female attraction works; so we try to find a short-cut to landing the girl we like.

Such heartbreaks if not managed well can lead to build-up of bitterness towards all women in general. It creates a layer of resentment that will hover over all your future relationships with women. Every time the lady you’re dating hints about money, you’ll see red flags because your guard is up. “Not this time”, you’ll say. And that’s not a very healthy way to relate.

The reason we get used by women is that we have a flawed modal of how attraction works. We don’t have very good mentors in this area. Our fathers and peers are mostly as clueless about what women want as we are. Female attraction is not a very complex idea as some us have been made to believe. What turns-on women is emotion, status and confidence. She wants you to be confident and more importantly she wants you to emotionally intrigue her. She wants you to be a puzzle of sort; something she has to figure out. When you attempt to win her with money, you’re being too obvious and you’re taking the mystery away. At best, she’ll friend-zone you or worse, use you for your money and dump you.

Most men are not even making attempts at getting the girl they like because they’ve convinced themselves, they don’t have enough money. But attracting women has nothing to do with money. Whichever man can stimulate her emotions the most, that’s the guy who’s going to end up getting the goods the fastest. Other men in her life will serve in lesser roles such as provider but she really won’t be attracted to them.

Most men think that if you can show a woman that you have status and money then she’s going to fall in love with you because she’s going to like the stuff you’re doing for her. If I don’t send her up-keep or help with her rent, then she’s going to perceive me as a close-fisted guy (Mukono gaamu in my native tongue).

We assume that because the woman accepts free money, she’ll fall in love with us. But one has nothing to do with other. She’s accepting free money because that’s what normal people do.

The more money you inject into the relationship, the more you’re proving to her that she’s the prize in the relationship. As you’re being the provider in her life, some other guy without a penny to his name ends up sleeping with her.

As the guy who’s been doing all the work to impress her, that hurts deep. When this happens, men are always quick to label the lady a whore. We are wrong though; she’ll actually be a whore if she slept with you because you spent money on her.

When you expect a woman to sleep with you because you’re giving her money, you’re trying to make her a whore, and women don’t like being treated with that kind of disrespect.

Most women are willing to sleep with you for free, if you can stimulate the right emotions. Women love sex a lot and if you’re not getting any from them, it’s simply because you’re not pressing the right buttons.

Obviously there’s a sizable number of women that wouldn’t mind sleeping with you for money. Problem with this is that if you can’t turn her on as much as you’re spending on her, then the relationship will purely be based on what you can give and no sane man wants that.

You attract a woman primarily through emotional stimulation. The money should always be secondary. If you attract a woman with money, she might sleep with you and perhaps even be your girlfriend or wife but she’ll always be on a look-out for the guy who would connect with her emotionally. And as soon as she finds him, she’ll either leave or cheat on you.

Unfortunately our cultural conditioning has told us something different. We’ve been told you have to portray the image of a provider. It’s easier for us to spend money on women than to attract them with our personality. This is so, because most of us have terrible people skills. We haven’t invested the time and energy to learn how to build a charming personality. But if you can’t win a woman with charm, nothing else will work.

You really don’t want to put yourself in a position where the woman you like feels obligated to be with you because you’ve done so much for her. You could’ve put her through school, helped her with her bills…etc. Whatever it is you’ve done for her, it should never be the reason she ends up with you.

Don’t be that guy. Keep your wallet zipped and focus more on building your personality. Women love a charmer.